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20 Oct 2018
So many people get frustrated because they are having a hard time achieveing their goals. Whether it is their career, finances, health, love life, or emotional well-being, very few people are actually moving forward and accomplishing what they say they want to accomplish. So why are so many people suffering? Because it all comes down to habits and self discipline. Very few people are growing up learning these skills at a young age so they struggle when they get older.

Learning Life Skills

Training for a skill is "Chimp" behavior.  Yes, you could build the Chimp up, but as soon as you throw a curve ball (new audience) the Chimp gets nervous and it can take over.  Listen to the Chimp and practice but allow your Human to be the evaluator of whether you tried your best with what you had at the time and then evaluate your effort.  Remembering always that you are fallible and will make mistakes,. but it is how many attempts you take and how you practice your edge (in whatever you do) is what will give you confidence in the long run in any endeavor.

"I'm the master of my own fate" ya know I've been telling myself to study consistently to get into a good uni and become somebody in the world. But that lazy bug in me strikes too many times and I procrastinate a lot. And at the end of the day I hate myself for that.. Day by day, crushing my own future in small ways. I've told myself so many times that I'm gonna do it, gonna make my parents proud, yeah it works for two or three days then it becomes stagnant again. I have to believe in myself that I CAN. So important.

Getting Help With Your Life

You actually need a psychotherapist or life coach who teaches you to "stop the negative self-talk". Talks gives you a (fallacious) good feeling for 15 minutes, but does not teach you how you shaped your brain by 20 years of destructive thinking, how you behave in situations because of that and how you can fix this in less time. It's a lot more complex than on youtube obviously - fortunately you don't need to learn any theory for yourself.

if you suffer, do not buy books, do not read blogs, do not do all the things, that consume time (procrastinate), make you feel better but don't help you with your actual problem - be bold and see a therapist, you will soon be as happy as could not have imagined.

I accept his point about the benefits of looking at things through a "glass half full" filter, but it does get to a point where it's no longer "self-confidence", but just pure delusional. Criticizing is a vital part of improvement. It's just about How it's done. You cannot hope to ever improve if all you're looking at is how well you did this and that, but missing out on where your weaknesses are.

Is Parenting The Problem?

With parenting, it is equally important for kids to hear criticism and learn how to deal with it. That helps prepare them for the greater world out there. Not everyone they come across in their lifetime is going to be all supportive and positive. If they don't have the skills to deal with criticism, that's when they start running into mental health issues. It's all about balance at the end of the day. Being too positive is a negative.

I was always confident in high school until I joined university. I met so many people from different back grounds, cultures and most of them i already imagined were smarter than me. I was always comparing myself to my classmates and for sure it affected my grades. My first year of university, I failed terribly. The hardest part was telling my parents that I failed. Just like any other African parent, they always thought highly of their first born daughter. My father couldn't believe it and my mother was just completely disappointed. My heart was broken and the self confidence i had vanished.

Fast forward many months later, am in 2nd year. Still working hard to regain that self confidence i once had. It still haunts me that i failed because in my country EDUCATION is the only path most people have to take to be successful. I have to be successful and i will be successful.